I only get like five and a half channels, so when I want to pour myself onto the couch and turn my brain off, my options are limited. Consequently, at 3 a.m. on a recent Sunday morning, I found myself watching the guys from Air Supply—looking amusingly tan, coiffed, and past their expiration date—hawking an omnibus package of soft rock hits available by mail order from Time Life.

Apparently, for Air Supply, or Time Life, or whoever put the thing together, “soft rock” mostly means white guys with Merlin beards and acoustic guitars who were MOR FM radio staples in the ‘70s. At least that’s what they were highlighting (with a little Carly Simon and Stevie Nicks thrown in). And it was awesome. OK, Todd Rundgren, Fleetwood Mac, Bread—all pretty undeniable in my book. But that “Summer Breeze” song by Seals & Crofts? Pretty good! And I like that “something something Fourth of July” song by Chicago that you always hear in the supermarket. And man, that Boz Scaggs can croon! And the beards were amazing! Kenny Loggins, the Bee Gees, the Doobies… these soft rockers may have been sensitive, but they were still men!

I was briefly astonished that these dinosaurs still exist in the age of file-sharing, iTunes, etc (they may not even be such a dying breed—before turning off the TV, I stumbled across another infomercial touting a similar package with a bunch of the same artists, only this one had black musicians too!). Then I noticed the defensiveness, bordering on panic, with which Air Supply and the Time Life bimbo who occasionally joined them by the fireplace kept extolling the virtues of soft rock. “It would take you hundreds of dollars and hours of time to assemble this collection of rare soft rock hits on your own!” they kept insisting. “Buy it from us from only $129.99!” Seriously? Come on, “A Horse with No Name”? “Piano Man”? “Wild World”? “American Pie”? Maybe they mean it’s all the songs you’ve been hearing your entire life without knowing who sang them.

But clearly people were buying it, because they had testimonials, and the people talking said that having all this classic soft rock in one place had really changed their lives. I must say, I was tempted to pick up the phone right now, I really was. But instead I went to bed.